so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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