Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
two words...techno handjob
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
