I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize