after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
