Apparently you make a good broom.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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