my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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