Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
