What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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