Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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