i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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