Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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