I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize