it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
