i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
