dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
