He had one of those small greek statue penises
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
