Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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