I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
