I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
