I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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