i just wanna soil my oats bro
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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