They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
