You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i will never coherently bang her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
