update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
