Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
