sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
third nipple confirmed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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