She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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