you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this just has baby written all over it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
