You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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