she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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