i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
