When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
