My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I smell stomach acid.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
