This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize