I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
