Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
