i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish you could order shots online.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
