I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
