Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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