He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How external is "for external use only"?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
