Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
