i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
