how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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