My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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