Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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