The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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