Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
