So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
