I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
