Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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