How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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