U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
