I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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