Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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