The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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