Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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