sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
