and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
