he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
