I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My vagina is very pro this idea
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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