I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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