I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i now understand why vodka
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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