Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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