This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
