end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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