I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
