What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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