Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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