do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
In America we eat man semen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
