pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I want her autograph on my taint
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
