think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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