Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
