Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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