found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
