I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
