why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They are going to name an STD after you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
