girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
