Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
