I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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