Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
