You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
