just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sext me about skeletons
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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