He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
